dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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