i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
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