Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
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In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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