is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
