LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
