im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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