**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
