We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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