i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
