The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was like getting head from an anaconda
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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