Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
