Your dad touched me again.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
