her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
