i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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