I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
