Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
