and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
