Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
