So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
