dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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