I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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