I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so let's talk penis.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
