16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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