Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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