guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
