i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
