HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
