I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
