I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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