Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
