Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
