I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
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its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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