Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
