Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
