im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
