Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
