as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
