I wish I could teleport
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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