the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
