He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
