apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
