my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
