i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
