Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
