the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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