? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want to have your abortion
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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