did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize