i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
