Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
