...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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