Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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