no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
