Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize