you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
