I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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