i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
