I met the friendliest cop last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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