i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
