oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
