Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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