he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
